Two and a half years ago, I found myself sitting alone in a hospital room with my 27 day old daughter. She had spiked a fever and, due to her age, we were told to take her straight to the ER. She ended up being in the hospital for 6 days as the medical team tried to figure out what was going on with her, which meant I was also in the hospital for 6 days. My husband was there as much as possible but he also had to hold down the fort at home for our other children. At one point, we were even on contact isolation due to the type of bacteria that had been found in her urine, meaning we didn’t leave the room. It was a scary time. Ultimately, they determined she had a UTI and a kidney infection. While I had never had a UTI, I knew they were very common so I didn’t think much of this until I talked to her pediatrician who told me that they actually aren’t common at her age, at least not without an underlying problem. The fear set in as I began feverishly searching Google to determine what this problem might be.

As I tried to figure out this puzzle, something else happened. I found myself watching the nurses. I watched the work they were doing, listened to them interact with the doctors, and was amazed by how helpful they were in answering my many, many questions. I don’t know if it was some sort of postpartum craziness but I started thinking that this was a career that I would really love. This wasn’t really a surprise to me since I had always been very interested in the medical field and nursing had actually been my first major in college. However, I was an assistant principal at a middle school and I loved my school, the team I worked with, and my job. So WHY did I start looking up area nursing programs? I will never know. These are the moments in life that make me convinced there is some higher power with a plan for me that I am not always privy to.

I found a school during that hospital stay. A school that offered an accelerated bachelor’s of science in nursing (ABSN) program. It was an intense, one year program for students who already had a bachelor’s degree. I definitely fit that bill. I started considering whether there was any chance that we could swing this financially and at first it seemed impossible. But with way too many hours at my disposal in that room with my daughter, I figured out a way to make it work…barely.

At this point, I was terrified and my mind was whirling with questions for myself. I wasn’t sleeping very well, or at all, in the hospital recliner and I am sure that this was taking its toll. Could I actually do this? Should I actually do this? Am I crazy? Will my husband think I am crazy? Will my family think I am crazy? What about my friends? How would I ever leave my school? Should I wait a few years and make sure we are out of debt and our little ones are a bit older? I was a MESS! I tried desperately to push the thought of nursing school out of my mind.

We were eventually discharged from the hospital. A few weeks later we went for a VCUG, which is a test where they inject dye into the bladder and basically watch what happens. In my daughter’s case, the dye refluxed back into her kidney rather than her just peeing it out, which is what should happen. She was diagnosed with unilateral Grade 5, vesicoureteral reflux (VCUG). This put her at a high risk for UTIs, which could result in kidney infections and subsequent damage to the kidneys over time. She was put on a prophylactic antibiotic and we were told by her kidney specialist that there was about a 15% chance she would outgrow it without needing intervention. Basically, it was a game of wait and see…more on this later.

Now out of the hospital, I continued to agonize over my crazy thoughts of nursing school. I cried and cried, hoping the thoughts would go away. They didn’t. Instead the various things that I did in an attempt to convince myself this was a terrible idea worked the opposite way . They pushed me more toward making the decision versus away from it. This was so incredibly scary. I had to tell myself again and again that nothing great is easy, the best decisions are often risky, you can do hard things, etc., etc, etc.

Fast forward to now, I have graduated the ABSN program and have accepted a job in the ICU at a local hospital. I have just started the required nurse residency program and am so happy to be doing what I am doing but still full of fear as each day I am confronted with how much I don’t know about this work. I have so much to learn! Luckily, I love learning and I have the life experience to know how to calm myself in moments of anxiousness…most of the time. I am constantly talking myself down and reminding myself that everyone started knowing very little, it takes time, and that I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!!

Ariel